She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
