i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
