so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
