the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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