oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
