I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
