She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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