dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
