Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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