you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
jump out the window naked night went bad
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
