Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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