Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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