if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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