I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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