Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
