i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
