i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
