How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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