There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
