i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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