I think scott just propositioned me for sex
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
