It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
