i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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