a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
