Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
