Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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