found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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