I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
