Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
