Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
