this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
