I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He has the fingertips of a God
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