After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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