i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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