I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
