i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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