I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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