My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
