We're facebook friends in real life
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
