you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
