where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Did I show you my penis last night?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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