Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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