Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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