Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
please come you make the beer taste better
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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