this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
