idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
