I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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