I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
