He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
