Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
