I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
