how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
